I Exercised So I Could Binge

I think it’s hard to stay motivated, or to even find motivation. I had to find motivation to recover from my eating disorder, I had to find motivation to recover from my BED and again I had to find motivation to start working out and living a healthy lifestyle.

As for working out, I first used others to motivate me. For example, I would screenshot certain people on Instagram because I wanted THEIR bodies, I wanted to look like them, do whatever they did because I wanted a body just like them. I would tell myself “you need to look like her, so go to the gym.”

That source of motivation didn’t last long. I became SO frustrated that I could not achieve a physique like the girls I would screenshot. I tried countless workouts, countless meal plans etc. The amount of money I spent trying so hard to achieve someone else’s physique was nonsense. So, I switched to another source of motivation.

I motivated myself to go to the gym so I could binge. I would restrict my intake all day, go to the gym for 2-3 hours to make sure I burned enough calories, then I would let myself binge. After a binge, I would obviously have the WORST body image the next day. Therefore, I would motivate myself to go to the gym and do cardio for 2 hours so I could fell less bloated and look less “fat.”

That source of motivation also did not last long. The binging, working out, restricting, binging cycle destroyed my self-esteem, made me gain weight, lose muscle and absolutely hate every inch of my body.

I knew I needed to figure out why the HELL I wanted to work out, why I wanted to eat healthy. The motives could NOT be to: look like someone else, have a 6 pack, have thin legs, look good in a bikini, lose 10 pounds, look like a famous insta star etc.

Those reasons should NOT motivate you.

You should want to work out because it makes you FEEL good, because it improves your mental and physical health. I choose to work out because I LOVE to feel strong. I choose to workout because I want to improve my own body and shape.

So how do I motivate myself? How do I stay motivated now?

I want to stay healthy physically and mentally, I want to be strong, the gym is my therapy, I LOVE how working out can completely transform your body in so many amazing ways. I stay motivated because today could be my last chance to run, to lift weights, to even walk. Life is so fast and each minute is precious. I want to take advantage of EVERY opportunity I get at the gym, because every day I can improve.

But most of all?

I stay motivated because this is my lifestyle. This is my life. I have goals, ambitions and dreams that coincide with fitness and living long. I stay motivated because I am doing this for me and not for anyone else’s approval.

You must do this for you. You must have goals and have a desire to reach them.

It’s the same thing with school or a job. How do we find motivation to go to school? To do homework? To go to our jobs every day? What are those reasons? Maybe you go to school because you want to become a doctor. Maybe you go to work every day because saving lives motivates you to clock in early and assess your patients.

My advice? Find WHY, find the reason why you are working out or eating healthy. It’s okay to be selfish at this time, this journey should be about you.

Xoxo,

Sarah